kapali

Rachael brought home a travel video from Turkey today and we watched it earlier before Carissa got home with the bunk bed.

I saw Ephesus, Selçuk, Kapadokya and Konya and I wanted get on the next flight to Istanbul. That place affects me like no other place on earth. Even before I set foot on Turkish soil, I was aware of a connection that pulled at me so strong. Türkiye draws me unto itself with more strength than Latin American countries ever have.

It could be that Turkey is different from all the other places I've been, the other cultures I've encountered. But eastern Asia doesn't draw me in the same way that central Asia does. There's something else. It's entirely spiritual. My desire for Turkey engages more than my intellect or my emotions - it totally engages my spirit.

I saw the mosques, the minarets, I heard the ezan (the Muslim call to prayer) on our television, and instantly I was there, in that little Mosque we visited in Denizli, listening to the imam read the Koran over the loudspeakers. The imam (the Muslim priest) begins the call by saying, "God is great - There is one God, Allah - and Muhammad is his prophet" I heard his song and I remembered kneeling in the room upstairs where the women pray. With my head wrapped in the soft, comforting fabric of my hijab, I prayed to God for his mercy upon Turkey. He desires the same things for Turkey that I desire. I prayed to God that he would draw all people unto himself - particularly Turks, since I was in their land at the time. I prayed, "God is great, there is one God... Yhwh. Jhvh. and J. is his son." I prayed what I believe, just as they pray what they believe. But there's a crucial difference among so many similarities. I get goosebumps just thinking about it even now, hours after the video ended, months after I left my heart in Turkey.

Tugçe told me that five cups of çay a day was not enough. It was 3 p.m. And she was still singing that same song to Emre, she sang it all day long... "yanarim, yanarim, gün gece yanarim..."

She was saying, "day and night, I burn." I burn for you. And he has such a gentle heart, he could not bear to break her gentle heart as well. Her heart was so. so fragile at that point. But she is learning to be resilient. (She's learning to laugh through her tears, to love without fear...)

yanarim. i burn.

yanarim. i burn.

Türkiye - gün gece yanarim
Ben sensiz ne yaparim?
Senin için ben yanarim

I want to bring some friends from my fellowship to see, to pray for this place where my heart has become entangled. Next May, perhaps? Come with me! I want you to meet these people. Fall in love with the culture and the sights, the flowering trees, the towering minarets (can you count them all?). I want you to feel the way the air quakes at the sound of 50, 100, 150 imams singing the dusk-hour ezan. I want you to catch a glimpse of Turkey's destiny.

My mother cried when I told her we were going to Turkey. I promise to make her cry as often as necessary. I cannot escape it. My soul cannot abide passivity.

MY SOUL CANNOT ABIDE PASSIVITY.